"Ewwic."

I remember studying in Marshburn Library at APU at around 10pm on Thursday, March 10th, 2011.

Then, I check my vibrating phone.  My mom just sent me a text message, saying a massive earthquake had hit off the coast of Japan just now.  At first, my heart sunk…how bad could this be?

I checked Google for news updates, and there were not many coming in, other than its epicenter and its estimated magnitude.  Indeed, my mother was right: it was massive.  And worse, while it rattled many large metropolitan areas, it caused a tsunami warning on the east coast of Japan.  I tried to find video news feeds online that could update me on what was happening in real time.  Meanwhile, I started contacting friends I knew who either lived or had family in Japan.  And I started praying in my little cubicle, while my desire to study mammalian physiology quickly wore off.  I finally found a live video news feed online about 30 minutes later.  And what I saw next I’ll never forget.

I saw the first big wave come in, striking the coast of Sendai…a massive rush of blackened debris-filled ocean water overtaking farmland, houses, roads, and cars.  And people.  I was simply in shock…yet I could not take my eyes off of the video feed.  I thought, This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening, this can’t be happening…yet here I saw, thousands of people endangered…and this was only one area of the coastline being shown.  It must be even worse in some areas.

The world changed that day, when devastating loss of life took place…an event I could not resolve easily in my head, because it seemed so unfair.  Not only is the likelihood that many of the Japanese were not believers, but I knew in the rural regions of Japan there were even fewer churches present.  Odds of having access to the gospel were not strong at all.  Why would God do this to the people I felt called to witness to?  Who didn’t even have a chance to really know Him?

I couldn’t answer this question today. But what I knew I had to come before God with everything again.

I didn’t study for anything for the rest of the night.  Or practically at all for the next 7 days.  I prayed, I fasted, and I asked God to bring healing amidst such loss and suffering.  Even in a time where I felt so helpless to do anything here in the States, I knew, and trusted, that God was still in control, and He knows what He is doing there.  And that He would empower the Christians all the more in light of this news.  He is faithful to all who call upon His Name.

That night when I finally went home from the library at around 2am, I did realize one thing: the missions trip I was co-leading to Japan that upcoming summer…was now representative of a response from APU to these disasters.  And suddenly, APU would be looking to Team Japan to know how to respond, and to be the first to go to Japan from APU in several years with the specific purpose of serving alongside this nation.  This missions trip, which I once questioned why God placed it on my heart several months ago amidst a career path to medical school, I realized is way, way bigger than myself.  This whole set-up to put me in this place after such a disaster…this was God’s purpose.  Now it was completely undeniable.

The next day (which was March 11th for us in the States) I was still grieving in my heart.  I heard a lot of people talk about it at APU.  It was announced during chapel.  But my greatest comfort came from being with my team again.  We were still in shock and sadness, but we also were affirmed of a renewed sense of purpose…that we would stand strong for Japan, as advocates for those who were suffering there, now not only spiritually and emotionally but also physically.

That evening was Japanese Fellowship…an outreach ministry held especially for Japanese students in our neighboring Citrus College.  Of course, the mood was somber and mellow today.  But amidst a difficult time, the staff decided to take a step in faith and sing a Japanese worship song in light of these recent events.  This is the song they sang:

It was beautiful.  I didn’t even know the words at the time, but I felt a great sense of peace upon hearing it, knowing that God was being praised even in dark times.  I was assured of His Love for us.  I felt led to record it after coming home from church yesterday, because it comes to mind every time I think of the March 11th earthquake and tsunami.

I will continue to be praying for Japan.  There are people answering the call to go there long-term and short-term, and I am praying for these missionaries.  The spiritual warfare that takes place there is often neglected, but may we never forget that God holds our ultimate victory.  And He’s knocking on the hearts of the Japanese.  We need to continue to pray and ask that He will open them.

Lord, may you heal the broken-hearted from this tragedy.  Renew a sense of hope that can only come from Your Son, who died to give us freedom.  Give Your disciples a boldness to share the Gospel, and stir up a fire in this nation that only You could create.  May Your Spirit cover over this nation…like a mighty wave.

God bless Japan.

—Eric

Pray for Japan…for pain still exists in this nation.  And always a need for His presence.

God, be our Healer.

I haven’t been doing much blogging these days.  But I felt the situation might warrant at least an update:

So, it’s been a little over a week since I’ve been accepted into medical school.  It’s still a little surreal, but as I prepare to think about financial aid, housing, getting back into study mode and all that fun stuff, it’s becoming more and more real.  I’m going to be a physician.  The application process is over.  The studying, the extracurriculars, the research, the clinical experiences…it’s coming to fruition.  The dream I’ve been chasing after and working for…is coming true.  Truly I could not have done this without massive prayer support, and from the fellowship and love of my friends and family.  And, obviously, God has carried me through all of this, no questions asked.

And yet, I have to say, the weeks between my Loma Linda interview and my next one at Rochester 3 weeks later were really challenging spiritually.  I received a lot of comfort and even counsel during my time at APU spent post-interview, and even some things such as my Japan trip this past summer were beginning to come full-circle as I learned where many of my teammates were now headed.  They constantly are a blessing to me, and they have affirmed me as to why I initiated a missions trip to Japan amidst a path to medical school.  Meanwhile, others gave me a sort of healing that only comes from good friendships: laughter and good fellowship.  It was a blessed time to be in good company.

But coming back home…that was tough.  I remember feeling utter anxiety from this whole process.  It’s interesting…despite how strong and confident we can be as medical school interviewees, I remember having those few lingering concerns about the way I might have presented myself, or little stupid things that probably nobody noticed.  I believe that the Enemy was getting into my head, tormenting me with self-doubt in who I am.  I mean, for the first time, even my dreams changed.  I could not sleep well, because I kept waking up from dreams of getting into medical school, or not getting into medical school…I just wanted an answer, after all.  Every day dragged on slowly as I waited for the response, but in retrospect I truly believe that this was a stage where God was reminding me, once again, that I am not in control.  Of anything.  My control of this life is an illusion, because what I think is in my hands I cannot hold onto, nor can I take it with me.  What I can do, though, is make the choice to follow Him in this moment, when darkness surrounds me, and loneliness plagues me.  When nothing my friends can say will take away the anxiety of the flesh.  In those moments, I can sense His presence all the more, as God surrounds me in an embrace and saying, “I know you, Eric, and I know what’s best for you.  Just trust Me.”

It’s funny.  In a sense, I almost missed the mindset of uncertainty from before my acceptance.  During this past week, I can’t deny it was less stressful.  I was rejoicing and relaxing…and yet, I had forgotten just how reliant and needy I still am.  Did I get myself into medical school?  No way.  Will I get myself through medical school?  No way.  Because, even though a part of me despises not knowing my future, another part of me is left in awe knowing that He has it.  He is taking me on an adventure that may prove to be strenuous, but will mature me in my passion, my desire to obey His commands, and my heart for others to know Him.  In a sense, I love it when I am forced to remember and acknowledge God constantly, and His providence amidst trials.

So I’m excited for now.  It’s going to be crazy, and probably the hardest I’ll have to work yet.  And, maybe, indeed, there are still many uncertainties that I can look forward to facing with God.  After all, our God is dynamic, and the Word is living and speaks to us day after day!  May I learn to listen to Him in any form of suffering, and trust that He will carry me through with the desires of my heart, if they are aligned with the desires of His.

—Eric